We’ve all been in situations that warrant a hard"NOPE.“Whether it’s heavy highway traffic, unwanted family drama, or that scary movie that makes you want to upchuck, sometimes you have to say “NOPE” and walk away.
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Regarding video games, I haven’t said “nope” to many. After all, I did write alist of video games based on going to the bathroom, so it’s clear I’m a man of trash taste. Still, I’ve drawn my line in the sand, and these games had me saying “NOPE” faster than a character in a Jordan Peele movie.
5Death Mark
A horror visual novel? How scary can that be? It turns outDeath Markwas one of the creepiest games I’ve ever played. It may not have the graphics and cutscenes of Capcom’s latest horror romp, but it more than makes up for it with disturbing artwork and chilling sound design.
In short, you play this dude with a mark on his wrist that looks like a tattoo your friend thought would look edgy after putting back a few. This mark, called thedeath mark, is a prophetic omen, a la The Ring. When the mark shows up on your wrist, you’ll die that evening, unless you confront the ghost responsible for giving you the mark.
But who gave the protagonist, Kazuo Yashiki, his mark? There’s the rub! Each night focuses on a new ghost who may or may not have given Yashiki the death cooties.
Death Mark’s first chapter takes place in a haunted school. Okay, creepy but tolerable, right?NOPE.Every room I entered had a new surprise, including a jumpscare of a ghost boy’s face that took up the whole screen. I managed to finish the chapter with the sound off, but I haven’t returned to Death Mark since.
4Mortal Kombat 9
Don’t get it twisted; I loveMortal Kombat. My cousins and I played the game ad nauseam as kids. And we were stoked adults when the next-gen reboot came out in 2011. This game had everything: a return to 2D combat, fan-favorite characters, and a story mode that finally helped us understand what the heck was going on. It’s the turning point the series desperately needed after its wonky 3D era.
I loved playing MK9. What Ididn’tlove was going into theKrypt. In previous installments, the Krypt was a broody and bloody store where you could unlock game items with koins. I was expecting a similar experience in MK9. And for my first few visits to the Krypt, it was.
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Then, during one fateful Krypt visit, I started hearing footsteps. Not human footsteps but the frantic scurrying of an animal. “Meh, just some eerie sound design,” I thought. And that’s when budget Nosferatu popped up on the screen and shrieked at me!
My heart skipped five beats. Then I ran up to that Xbox 360 and turned it off like it would eat me if I left it on.NOPE.I was not going into that Krypt again. Syndel’s alternate color was not worth a fatal heart attack.
3Dragon Age: Origins
I never considered myself arachnophobic. For instance, I’ve stomped on my fair share of spiders while my mom whined at me, “EWWWW. KILL IT! KILL IIIIIT!” But something aboutDragon Age’sspiders gave me the creepy crawlies.
I don’t think I played the game for an hour when I found myself inside a cave filled with these giant monstrosities. I winced each time I passed a corner, imagining another eight-legged terror coming my way. And the more I thought about it, the more I got those phantom itches you only get when you think a bug is on your skin.
Was I terrified? Not really. But it was a sensory experience I did not enjoy. It’s like if someone asked me to pet a tarantula. Like, okay, they’re a little cute from far away. But I don’t want to feel its furry pedipalps on my hand.
FYI: I’m making the Lucille Ball scowl face while I write this paragraph. Okay, I only kinda said,“NOPE,“but I also said,“EwWwWwwweeeeeeeyuccccckugh!”
2Resident Evil 7
When it comes to horror, I’m semi-okay with zombies. And the last couple of Resident Evil games looked more action/thriller-like than a creeper feature. So when I bought my mom a copy ofResident Evil 7for Mother’s Day, I thought we could pass off the controller and play together. After all, she loves a good scary movie.
Unfortunately, RE7 perfectly encapsulates why I enjoy watching horror movies but not playing horror games. I can watch a horror movie in the safety of my couch, with a yummy bowl of popcorn and a throw pillow to cover my eyes when it hits the fan. But horror games are interactive. I can’t cover my face with my controller, or I’ll get killed.
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And that’s precisely what happened while playing Biohazard. Mom and I got through the first hour or two fine. In fact, we crawled through the sewage, searched the abandoned house, and rescued Mia from her makeshift prison cell. Of course, we had some spooks along the way, but we handled them well.
Then, Mia Winters went full-on raging zombie and charged at us with a chainsaw. I felt like Regina Hall in that scene from Scary Movie when she sees Shakespeare In Love at the movie theater. All I could think was, “Mia, you better get outta my face. OUTTA MY FACE! OUTTA MY FACE!”
My mom and I passed the controller back and forth like a ticking time bomb. Finally, we both said"NOPE”,and never played again.
1P.T.
P.T.stands forPlayable Teaser,a short demo used to announce the canceledSilent Hillsequel designed and directed by Hideo Kojima in collaboration with Guillermo del Toro, Silent Hills. It’s a landmark of video game history for several reasons.
First, the game has enveloping visual storytelling. Second, it’s connected to a long-dormant franchise. Third, it was infamously removed from downloads shortly after launch, making it all but impossible to play now. And finally, it’s the scariest few hours you’ll ever play in your life.
Let me clarify; I never played P.T. However, I did watch a Twitch stream featuring the game. As much as I knew this game was more than I could cope with, I was drawn in. I couldn’t stop watching the stream. And, honestly, since I wasn’t playing the game, I figured I could at least handle watching it.
And, genuinely, P.T. is a fascinating game to watch. The whole story takes place in a haunted hallway. Each time the player character walks through the hallway’s end, they return to its beginning. You need to solve the puzzles in the hallway to finish the game.
During the first few hallway passes, things felt eerie but tolerable. Furthermore, radio segments and haunted phone calls elaborated on a murder plot I wanted to know more about. I do love a good mystery. Then the game became more twisted. The player meets a bloody baby fetus in a bathroom sink, voices start coming from nowhere, and then you’re confronted with the creepiest jumpscare from a grotesque spirit.
And, by the way, that spirit wasfollowing you in the game the whole time!Yes, someone hacked the game and found a model of the ghost behind the player’s back throughout the teaser. That’s next level messed up.
In short, stalker ghosts and bloody fetuses?NOPE.That’s a hard NOPE from me, bro. Nope. No. No, thank you. No way. No how. Nah fam. NOOOOOOOOOO.
