What time is it? Pizza time! Nothing’s better than a freshly baked, cheesy, tomato-y pie delivered straight to your door. And there are plenty of video game characters who would be able to complete your delivery faster than you can say “Order Up!”. Unfortunately, not all characters were destined to deliver hot meals to the masses.
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Whether it’s because they have too much on their plate, are accident-prone, are simply a little too fast for their own good, or are just plain lazy, these characters would epically fail at pizza delivery. Perhaps, they should stick to adventuring. Or at least, find a new part-time job.
10Hilda
While the majority of the cast inFire Emblem: Three Houseswill deliver your pizza without complaint, there are some that will give you the side-eye and say, “Huh? Me? Why me?” Hilda is one of these characters. Hilda will try to slyly pass on the task to someone else and, if that doesn’t work, she will then call you up and beg you to come pick up your own pizza.
Although she only does this because she doesn’t want to let you down, it can be quite irritating to wait for a pie that you paid for while listening to the whining of an employee that is supposed to do their job.
9Sonic
Faster delivery time doesn’t necessarily mean a better pizza. And, althoughSonicwill get to your pizza drop-off location faster than any other character on this list, that doesn’t mean the pizza will arrive looking like a pizza.
Thank to the speed at which Sonic is running at, coupled with the immense amount of jostling that might occur, there’s a high chance that your cheesy circle of goodness will turn into a tomato-y squished-up mosaic. Also, can you imagine what the inside of the pizza box will look like after traveling in the arms of a hedgehog going over 700 miles per hour? Probably not the prettiest.
8Elizabeth
Elizabeth is the Velvet Room attendant fromPersona 3that helps you with all things Persona related. However, Elizabeth doesn’t know a lot about the world outside the dark blue Velvet Room,so she asks you to show her around.Though Elizabeth’s willingness to learn new things might help her pizza delivery career, her curiosity might hinder her from ever making it anywhere on time.
She’ll want to know what the pizza is, why she needs to deliver it, and if the delivery would be more successful (and exciting) if it included an extra large helping of Megidolaon. Chances are, if you do ever get to see your order, it will be charred to a crisp. And might have several bites taken out of it.
7The Cat From Stray
Though the cat fromStraywas able to make several important deliveries over the course of the game, there is always that chance, that very slim yet very real chance, that the cat mightdo something cat-like and ruin the pizza.
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For example, the cat could knock over the box and make the pizza land on the ground. Or, the cat could walk over the pizza and leave a trail of tomato and cheese everywhere. Or even, the cat might sit on the pizza and rub their tail all over the toppings. Sure, this Stray cat is capable of many great things. But pizza delivery? Probably not.
6Sam Porter Bridges
Depending on how you playDeath Stranding, Sam can either be the world’s best apocalyptic delivery man or the world’s worst. On the off chance you call for a pizza and Sam happens to have multiple packages to deliver, or is climbing a very steep hill, or he just got attacked, or he can’t get his crying baby to stop crying, you might as well leave your home and pick up your pizza yourself.
Because by the time you get your order from Sam, your pizza could have been thrown off of a cliff, dropped in a lake, or stepped on by accident. Is delivery truly worth it if it comes at the expense of the delivery man’s well-being and sanity?
5The Toads
Although the Toads would try their very best to deliver their pizzas on time, there is a high chance that that task will get passed onto someone else. Someone who wears a red cap, blue overalls, and who has a very stylish mustache.
Year after year,Mariogame after Mario game, there has been pattern of Toads getting captured, becoming lost, or straight up running away from their jobs (like the ones who were in charge of guarding Princess Peach inSuper Mario Galaxy). And while there are two known Toads who will willingly rush headfirst into danger, Captain Toad and Toadette, they still move at a snail’s pace. So, you won’t be seeing that pizza any time soon!
4Wario
The only thing that will motivate this yellow doppelganger to do any type of work is if he receives a large sum of money afterwards. Because if there is one thing Wario loves more than lazing about, it’s cash. In fact, it’s his main motivation behind creating all theWarioWaregames.
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But, if you have everworked a part-time job, you would know that deliveries don’t exactly pay their deliverers well. So, when it comes to dishing out pies, you can bet your Smooth Moves that Wario won’t be budging an inch. Maybe characters like Mona and Young Cricket will help you out, but not this guy.
3Ravio
Ravio is a mysterious character that you meet inThe Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worldswho runs a lucrative weapons business. A business that you are forced to invest in thanks to a lack of gear shops in Hyrule. When Ravio isn’t taking all your Rupees and collecting his rented wares back after your Game Over, he’s lazing about and resting. In your home of all places.
Can you imagine Ravio even trying to deliver a pizza? He would probably keep hold of the pizza and charge the patron a high delivery fee just so that they can come and collect their food themselves. He might even take the pizza back if the consumer isn’t being careful!
2AiAi And Friends
AiAi and his friends might be masters of rolling their respectiveSuper Monkey Balls, but that doesn’t mean that they possess delivery skills. In fact, placing your pizza box in a round circular object and then pushing that object down a slanted, video game platform sounds like the perfect way to ruin a pizza.
By the time these monkeys stop rolling, there will be more pie coating the inside of the ball than in the box itself. Granted, the monkey ball can probably navigate traffic better than a car, but that doesn’t mean the pizza will be in one piece by the time it makes it to its goal.
1One Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
You might be surprised to see these heroes on the list but, believe it or not, theTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtleswould make awful pizza delivery turtles. Why you may ask? Well, when playing their side scrolling, beat ‘em up games, pizza is an important recovery item that the turtles use to heal up.
So, when delivering your food, there is a very high chance that they will accidentally eat the pizza. They won’t do it on purpose, of course! It’s just that, when in the heat of battle, sometimes regaining health points is more important than a bad review.
