One of the most important aspects of anyJRPGis learning to manage status effects. While you can brute force your way through combat in some gamesby grinding out levels, the best way to begin quickly getting past mobs of enemies is by being able to deal with the ailments they will inflict on you.
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However, I have always wondered what status effects would suck the most for our heroes to deal with in the real world? Some of them could be quite nice, but others would probably be a major hindrance to your lifespan. So, from “actually this isn’t too bad” to “oh dear, I am already dead”, what status effects would be most hazardous in real life?
14Sleep - Multiple
If you’re fighting a dragon ora literal god, taking a nap is probably a great way to get killed. However, if we’re talking about real-world situations, this status ailment wouldn’t be so bad. I’ve trouble getting to sleep, soI’d love it if an animal in the grass on my way homeor even one of my own friends could make me drowsy. Besides, who doesn’t love a good nap?
13Frogs - Ni No Kuni And Final Fantasy 7
If I had a nickel for every time a JRPG turns its protagonists into frogs in combat, I would have two nickels, and that’s not a lot of money, but still pretty weird. InFinal Fantasy 7, when a Touch Me enemy (yes, that’s their real name) strikes Cloud and friends with “Frog Jab”, they either turn into a frog or back into a human. Whereas inNi No Kuni, when the characters walk into the line of sight of a snake statue in the Dungeon of Tears, they will turn into toads.
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This frog-ification is much more dangerous in Ni No Kuni, as the enemies you’ll face while toad-ified are the same ones you’ll face when you’re human, but you have access to fewer abilities. At least in FF7 you usually only face other frogs when you’ve been turned into an amphibian.
12Mice - Persona 5
If I had a nickel for every time a JRPG featured statues in a dungeon that turned the party into cute animal versions of themselves, I would have yet another two nickels, and that is even weirder. Just like the Dungeon of Tears, there arestatues of Shido littered throughout his palaceinPersona 5, and if the Phantom Thieves wander in front of them, then they’ll become mice. Also, just like Ni No Kuni, turning into an animal before getting into a confrontation is most certainly advised against.
Do these ailments make much sense? No. Is it extremely cute to see Joker as a mouse or Oliver as a toad? Yes!
11Attack-up - Multiple
Not all status effects are bad, and if we are going to look at all the ones enemies can inflict on you, we should at least recognize one that your friends can help you out with.
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Attack-up items and spells rarely last more than a handful of turns but are always welcome - there’s almost never a time in a JRPG where we’ll turn one of these down, and if someone offered me super strength in real life for a few minutes, of course, I would jump at the opportunity.
10Rage/Anger - Multiple
In most JRPGs, this aliment will cause you to lose control of a party member as they lash out with basic attacks at enemies. Think of it like being in a bad mood and snapping back at anyone that treads on your toes. It’s not nice, and you’ll certainly be frustrated you weren’t more precise dispatching an enemy or diplomatic when dealing with an annoying co-worker. But it’s nothing an apology or a much stronger attack won’t fix.
9Confusion - Multiple
Similar to Rage and Anger, confusion will make you lose control. Sometimes this meanshealing an enemy, and sometimes it meansattacking a party member.
Whilebeing nice to a real-life enemymight actually be a good way to improve your life, lashing out at a friend always ends badly. Worst of all, the excuse of “I was attacked by a Mothman that Mind Sliced me” tends not to work after you have just been snide to your friend.
8Drunk - The Witcher, Fallout, And Skyrim
This is one of the few status aliments that appears more in westernRPGsthan JRPGs. Drunk effects tend to act as double-edged swords, increasing damage, critical hit chance, or acting as a charisma boost, but coming at the cost of something like accuracy, defense, your ability to dodge, or even forcing you into certain poor dialogue options.
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In real life, I don’t drink, so I’d really rather not have a drunkness effect cast on me, especially without even getting the enjoyment of having beers with a friend beforehand. Besides, I have work tomorrow, and the last thing I want is a hangover.
7Slow - Final Fantasy
Games with the slow status effects are the equivalent of you getting a cold. You are tired, can do less, and can only really get frustrated while a battle or life goes on around you. Very few status effects are more annoying in JRPGs than missing your turn, and veryfew things are more frustrating in life than being saddled in bed with the flu.
6Call Aggro - Final Fantasy 14
I’ve spent a while trying to figure out how a “call aggro” spell would manifest in real life. After all, it’d take a lot for people in the real world to start attacking you randomly on the street, so I think the closest equivalent would be going viral with a benign opinion.
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People from across the internet would shower you with personal attacks, and mean tweets, and all you’re able to really do is hope an alley casts defense, heals you up, and wait for it to pass.
5Damage Increased - Multiple
There is very little explanation here; I just really think it would be terrible if my enemies could cause me to take more damage. I already wake up with bruises on my body sometimes with no clue as to how I hurt myself. The last thing I need is for someone to cast a spell on me that would make me break my foot if I stubbed my toe.
