I’m no stranger when it comes to living with other people. Add four years of college to five years of city living, and I have almost a decade of experience. Plus, I spent the early years of my childhood sharing a room with my twin brother, so there’s that.
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In this season of my life, I’m living with the toughest roommates yet: my parents. It’s an odd adjustment after living independently for so long. Sometimes I wonder if I would have a better time with thesevideo game roommatesinstead. Yeah, they’re allvillains, but I think I can handle them.
5Kronika
Mortal Kombat 11
Okay, so she wants to erase history as we know it and rewrite the whole thing. It definitely reeks of Type A tendencies. But I’d much rather live with a Type A roommate than a Type B. And I’m positive that a roommate likeKronikawill always have her hourglasses in order.
Living with Kronika would be a relief. For instance, the chores would always get done, and rent would never be late. And, honestly, when it comes to roommates, that’s all I care about.
My only fear is that I won’t be enough for Kronika, and she’ll kick me out. After all, hers are demanding standards to meet.
4GLaDOS
Portal
First of all,why doesGLaDOSalways end up on my lists!?Yes, readers, I’m showing you my hand. For whatever reason, my mind has a backlog of characters I go to whenever I’m stumped. Half of that backlog is fighting game characters. Next, a quarter of the backlog is niche heroes and villains from games you’ve never heard of. And finally, there’s GLaDOS, who decided to hold the last quarter hostage.
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Still, when it comes to roommates, GLaDOS makes perfect sense. Before you bring up her murderous nature, remember she would likely be living outside of Aperture Science. Perhaps she may be in her portable potato form. And at that point, she would be a glorified Alexa that helps pay rent. And I’m all for that.
Am I worried that my roommate, GLaDOS, will steal my information and record my living habits for an evil corporation? Hah! Please. Good luck beating Amazon to the punch!
3Purge
Space Channel 5: Part 2
Remember when I mentioned a quarter of my character backlog is niche characters? Villains don’t get more niche thanPurge, the ambitious dancing teen bent on world domination, in Space Channel 5: Part 2.
If you haven’t gotten the hint from the sequin jumpsuit, Purge is the blueprint of that person who’s out until three in the morning at a rave. And they likely brought someone home with them. I’ve never had a roommate like this. Still, Purge sounds like a good time, and I’m not against that.
Even in the game, Purge’s foremost goal is to unite the world in joy through dancing. Okay, his method isbrainwashing, which ishighly unethical. Still, I can forgive the youth for their misgivings.
I’m cool with the shenanigans as long as I don’t get pulled into drama or a house party with too many hard drugs. Oh, and of course, he has to pay the rent on time and clean up after himself. That’s all I’m asking.
2Boss (aka Dumuzid)
Catherine
Who wouldn’t like an older roommate? They keep to themselves, offer sound advice, and are always on top of their crap. Okay, so this dude murders young men in their sleep. But — BUT — remember, those men are all cheating bastards! (Ethicalnon-monogamy is okay. It’s breaking someone’s trust that irks me the most.)
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Plus, a man withBoss’slived experience must have plenty of good stories. And I need at least one roommate I can trade anecdotes with. I’m a massive fan of the kitchen table conversation. I always come back learning more about myself and others.
Finally, the man is a bartender. If someone’s going to teach me to make a potent cocktail, it’s my sheep-god buddy Dumuzid.
1Waluigi
Super Mario Bros.
Keep in mind the name of this article is roommates I canhandle. Not roommates I wouldloveor evenget along with. No one fits this qualifier more thanWaluigi. Waluigi embodies my biggest pet peeve in a roommate:passive aggression.
If there is something you need me to do as a roommate, please TELL ME. And if I forget the first time, and you have to tell me again more sternly, go for it. Seriously, I probably deserve it. But don’t silently hold something against me. That’s not helping either of us because A) you’re avoiding conflict by building up resentment, and B) I’m fully aware of it. Thus, I’m living in myown home,fearing I’m doing something egregiously wrong.
Okay, so we’ve established I prefer direct conversation. However, that being said, I have lived with my fair share of passive-aggressive roommates and learned how to deal with them. So the idea of setting off a nerve does not phase me anymore.
I’ve moved into three different apartments in four years. If you can’t be a mature adult, I’ll pack up my things and move in with some.
So, Waluigi, the choice is yours: pull the stick out of your ass and actuallycommunicate with me,or lose a third of the rent money. Oh, honey, don’t “WAHHHHH” at me!
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